Due to a rift in the space time continuum, I was able to log on through the internet to reach out ten years into the past to talk to myself as a teenager and attempt to give myself some advice and encouragement during the sulky high school years.
25 year old me: Hey, younger self,
Charmedfan224: Hey dude! Wassup?!
25 year old me: We don’t have a lot of time before the space time continuum returns to normal, so I gotta make this quick. I just wanted to say, hang in there. I know high school can be isolating and anxiety inducing, but it doesn’t feel that way forever, little Barbara.
Charmedfan224: I’m not little. I’m hella fat.
25 year old me: No, no you are not. And when you get to be older, you’ll wish that you appreciated that body while you had it, instead of constantly hating it.
Charmedfan224: Eww, gross, so you’re like fat!!
25 year old me: No. So, okay, what I’m trying to say is, I know you’re super depressed and all, but it’s going to work out okay. Everything that gave you panic attacks in high school won’t even matter to you as an adult.
Charmedfan224: You don’t get panic attacks anymore?
25 year old me: Um. Well.
Charmedfan224: Yesterday, I had a panic attack in marching band practice, and I peed my pants, and I was sitting next to Steve, but I just told him I spilled soda so totally tricked him! Yay!
25 year old me: Smart thinking.
Charmedfan224: So, what’s Steve like as an old man?
25 year old me: I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since high school.
Charmedfan224: STEVE AND I BREAK UP?!? WHAT DID YOU DO?
25 year old me: Me? I… I didn’t do anything.
Charmedfan224: You need to tell me exactly specifically why he broke up with you so I can prevent it from happening!! Did I not touch up my black nail polish often enough? Were my combat boots not as clumpy as the other girls? Were the pink streaks in my hair too “cute pink” and not “punk pink” enough?
25 year old me: I don’t even remember.
Charmedfan224: How could you not remember losing the love of your life?!?! Are you like totally stupid or something?
25 year old me: Listen, little Barbara, you’re gonna fall in love so many times and get your heart broken a lot, and it’ll hurt a hell of a lot but afterwards Mom will take us out for shopping and ice cream.
Charmedfan224: Haha! You still hang out with Mom! That’s so embarrassing! Tell me at the very least you don’t let her walk next to you!
25 year old me: ….
Charmedfan224: Gross! You’re like a little baby! I bet everyone thinks you’re a little baby! Hahaha!
25 year old me: My therapist says I’m emotionally mature enough for my age. Never mind. I just… I just wanted to tell you that it all turns out okay.
Charmedfan224: Does it? Does Morrissey get our letter and get The Smiths back together?
25 year old me: No. I don’t know. I don’t really keep up with music trivia news so much anymore.
Charmedfan224: Oh, does your boyfriend not care about music?
25 year old me: I don’t have a boyfriend.
25 year old me: I’m just taking some time and working on me right now.
Charmedfan224: What does that mean?
25 year old me: I don’t know anymore.
Charmedfan224: Okay, so I have a chat room date with the girls from the Dawson’s Creek fan club in an hour, so if I want to have enough time to call Rebecca I better log off now. I just want to tell you… good luck with everything. I’m sorry your life sucks so much. Maybe there’s like a band camp for adults? Best of luck to you, old Barbara!