Friday, July 20, 2012

Attempts at Monologue jokes

Michelle and Barack Obama were uncomfortable kissing on camera. But it got awkward when Romney showed up and yelled, "I'll do it!" and then called some kissers in China.

Reportedly 54% of Florida Voters think Obama is going down the wrong path. "And we know how perceptive and reliable Florida voters are," said Al Gore.

Romney said Obama isn't doing enough to help the middle class. It got weird though when Mitt added, "But despite that, he does have flaws."

Romney campaign representative Sohn Sununu called President Obama a pot smoking, un-American Hawaiian, or in other words, fun.

Sarah Palin says she hasn't been invited to the Republican National Convention yet. The Republican National Convention responded, "yet?"

Romney said he doesn't want the public to see his tax returns. The public grimaced, "Mitt, you have got to stop thinking of your tax returns as porn."

Jennifer Lopez quit American Idol because Steven Tyler did. I guess she figured she'd miss him. And she don't wanna miss a thing.

Katie Holmes' car was hit by a garbage truck. It was a regular truck filled with her ex's spiritual beliefs.

Mitt Romney said President Obama needs to learn how to handle his business. In response, Obama asked if Fred Willard gave lessons.

A Burger King employee was fired after being caught with their feet in the lettuce bins. That's so gross. I do not need to know how BK grows their employees.

According to a new study, too much tv can prevent kids from becoming athletic, which makes sense... It's really unhealthy to eat television.  

Reportedly, the ipad mini is real. Because I guess enough of the ipad lost boys clapped.

At San Diego Comic-Con Marvel revealed the new Iron Man armor. But I didn't look. I don't want bad luck before the wedding!

Apple announced the imminent creation of a small mini ipad. That's surprising. I didn’t even know Ann Romney was pregnant.

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