Tuesday, April 24, 2012

More attempts at monologue jokes

At the Coachella Music Festival, Tupac Shakur was resurrected by means of an unnervingly realistic hologram. Foreshadowing the creepiest way to cope with losing a child.

Rumors have surfaced about the imminent release of an iPad mini, for when just you want that special someone to think you have big hands.

Reportedly, Nasa may have found life on Mars. "Oh my god, aliens exist! We're going to be attacked!" said the microscopic bacteria when Nasa found them.

The new iPhone case can stop a bullet, so if you're afraid of being shot, put the iphone in your front shirt pocket, so it'll be easier to steal.

According to a recent study, videogames are hurting the lumberjack industry because most people would rather play games than engage in a dangerous difficult profession. Following that logic, also hurting the lumberjack industry: literally everything.

Reportedly the new iPhone case is bulletproof, begging the question, why would anybody try to shoot your phone?

Marvel announced that they are not doing a Hulk sequel. Thank goodness. Nothing against the Hulk but he’s been in three movies in the last few years. Maybe it's time to do a super hero movie with a woman protagonist, hahahaha just kidding, let's make another Spiderman.

A man used Google earth to find his long lost mother after thirty years. So I guess we really can't run away from our mistakes forever.

Rumors surfaced that Mel Gibson may be in the new Sin City movie, working alongside Frank Miller, who came under controversy over some anti muslim comments he made about Occupy Oakland. Said Mel Gibson, “Wanna come to my slumber party? Bring your own sheet.”

Newt Gingrich hinted today that he is considering dropping out of the election, alerting everyone, that he thinks he's still in the election.

Reportedly you can now install a feature on youtube that will allow you to press an "I cried" button after watching emotionally moving videos. So your cries for help can be answered by a 12 year old calling you a f***t.

Today in China, Scientists cloned a sheep. And I think it's going to be so cute, when he does the chores for the original sheep.

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