Tuesday, April 3, 2012

More Monologue Jokes

Sometimes I attempt to write monologue jokes....

Research shows women can have an orgasm from exercising, but it doesn't feel as good as the one you get from lying in pizza grease and masturbating to Buffy.

A Brazillian man dressed as Batman to fill his community with inspiration that maybe someday they too could be the cause of their parents' death.

According to a new study human noise affects plant life... In the plant's defense the human was screaming, "No, I won't feed you, Seymour!"

Research shows women can have orgasms from exercising, but they don't feel as good as the ones you get from being in a loving relationship with porn.

Reports say that the average teen texts 60 times a day, which is ridiculous, that anyone in high school has that many friends.

A new frog species was discovered in New York that is completely different from any other frog species. For example, most frogs aren't covered in that much smudged lipstick.

According to a new study popcorn is healthier than some vegetables. So now I have to throw buttered carrots at children who won't shut up in the movies.

According to a new study human noise affects plant life... But that's nothing compared to how a human reacts when a plant says "whats up."

A Dumb and Dumber sequel is in the works and I'm so excited that now I'm old enough my dad can't forbid me from watching it! Because he's dead.

According to a new study, green coffee beans may facilitate weight loss. But still I won't try it in a box, with a fox, I don't want your green coffee and ham, sam I am!

Bee populations are dropping, becoming increasingly endangered. Said everyone, (shrug) "Good."

Bee populations are becoming increasingly endangered. Said dying bees with their last breath, "Don't say we're dropping like flies!"

If you like one liner things I write for more jokes like this follow @barbara_holm on twitter

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