New Glasses

I sat at my desk pretending to be filing while secretly reading the news. I remember in school when reading the news felt like work and now I avoid work to do just exactly that. The art of pretending to file mostly involves minimizing the news-screen whenever my boss walks by and staring intently at a pile of random papers. I hope one day I can stare so hard they burst into flames. I think I'm getting there. When I touched the papers they felt a teensy bit warmer.

"Hey..." said a voice. I jumped, but it wasn't really a jump because I was sitting down. Basically, I flinched and my butt moved off the chair but not a lot. I swiveled around.

"Hi," I said.

The delivery guy smiled at me and I blushed. I'm not sure why. I wasn't attracted to him or embarrassed, which are my two normal emotions that elicit blushing. Regardless, I started blushing even more over the fact that I was blushing so hard and then looked down at my knees.

"Do you know where I can find a Barbara...?" he asked like it was a mythological creature he was hunting.
"That's me... You don't know my name? We've worked together three years."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you were Deborah."
"Um. No."
"Sorry, how rude of me. You're just so quiet."
"..."

"Package for you," he said. He handed me a small white bundle wrapped up. I signed for it and he tried to mutter something but I didn't look up at him. He stood in front of me for a few seconds and then left.

I ripped open the tape with vehement force and glee as I wrenched my new glasses from their delivery vehicle. I squealed softly to myself and unwrapped the large brown plastic frames. I took my contacts out and slid them over my ears. They covered most of my face, like big comfy space goggles. I felt so safe behind them, almost as though they were a mask concealing me from sight. They fit smooth and well, with almost a warm glowing touch on the bridge of my nose.

Rising from my desk, I decided to go stare at myself in the mirror for a while, and see how my new "look" worked. As I walked down the hall I saw a figure about my height, completely naked, with skin a dark reddish maroon color. The creature approached me in the hallway. He was carrying a stack of folders in his arms and frowning to himself. I halted short and stared at him. (Yes, I knew it was a him. He was naked. I'm not a pervert, but I have eyes.)

"Pardon me," said the naked red man, and walked right past me. I said nothing at all. I pivoted and watched him pass by. He disappeared into Cheryl's office. I expected to hear Cheryl scream or cry or be murdered. Instead, I heard her say, "Oh, thanks, Tom."

I slowly crept to her office doorway and peered in. Gasping, I stumbled backward, clutching the threshold for support. Sitting at Cheryl's desk was a emerald green woman with four breasts and big antler-like-horns coming out of her head. Her skin sparkled in a criss-crossing pattern of scales. She was speaking to the red naked man in Cheryl's voice. My mouth emitted a guttural moan and they both turned to look at me.

"You okay, Barb?" said the Cheryl/demon creature. I hate being called Barb... especially by demonlike bosses with horns and pointy vampire teeth.

I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. When I did so I looked up and Cheryl and Tom stood in front of me, in their normal clothes and skin, silently watching with raised eyebrows and curled lips.

"Yeah," I said. "Fine." I put my glasses back on and suddenly they were back to their green and red respective monstrous shapes. I took my glasses off again and they were in human form. I backed out of the office wordlessly.

"Weird girl," I heard demon Cheryl say.

I hurriedly stumbled down the hall and almost ran into Ivan. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry," I said.

He brushed off my apology and smiled warmly. I put my glasses on and looked up at him. He was a giant blue rabbit. I took my glasses off, same old Ivan. Glasses on: scary bunny-freak of nature. He tried to calm me down, but I was shaking and fending off tears. I pushed him away and thundered through the hallway, past cubicles, desks, conference rooms and coffee machines. Everyone in the office looked differently when I had my glasses on, but I seemed to be the only one who could see them thus. I rested them on my head and dug the heals of my hands into my eye sockets, struggling to wipe out the nightmare.

I rushed back to my cubicle and rifled through my garbage to find the packaging the glasses came in. It looked so normal, from the eye doctor, with my prescription, detailed instructions on how to clean and care for my lenses that I would ignore... I squinted at it, and then lowered my glasses from my forehead down onto my face.

Dark blood red letters were scrawled on the white package, forming the words, "See everything."

Keeping my head down, I avoided any eye contact with glowing yellow demon eyes or flopping tails or deformed genitalia. I passed by Natalie on my way who gave me a chirpy hello and I noticed her wings. I walked into the cool dark bathroom. It smelled like soap and some sort of cleaner. I could vaguely hear someone blasting classical instrumental music at their desk. I was alone in the bathroom. I rubbed my hands anxiously against each other and shifted my weight foot to foot. My armpits grew moist and saturated my work blouse. My nose pores itched. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, running my fingers along the sewn line. I raised my eyes slowly and looked up into the mirror.

Staring back at me was nothing.