Friday, June 1, 2012

Quiz Time!

Scene: Two people sitting on a couch or something, girl has a magazine, boy is watching television, sitting like a couple.

BARBARA: Hey, Andy…

ANDY: Oh, hello there. Greetings.

BARBARA: Um, quick question. When you like a girl do you a.) ask her out. B.) wait for her to ask you out or c.) sneak into her home when she’s out, dress up in her clothes and sing the theme song to Duck Tales?


Barbara writes in magazine

BARBARA: Okay, so say you’re at a party or a bar and the girl you’re with says she’s never been there before do you a.) offer to get her a drink b.) ask her if she wants to go somewhere quieter or 3.) Unzip your skin suit to show her the shredded bloody innards of your chasis?

ANDY: The second one. Why?

BARBARA: Just uh out of curiousity.

ANDY: You know what they say about curiosity.

BARBARA: It killed the cat?


BARBARA: No, Andy, calm down. I killed your cat.

ANDY: Ah, yes, good, good.

BARBARA: Okay, question number three, you’re with a girl and she farts in bed.

ANDY: Wow, I’m really hungry now. Do you want some tea?

BARBARA: Um, oh, sure.

Andy stands up and walks a couple steps.

ANDY: Barbara, how many fish do you want in your tea?


ANDY: Obviously.

Andy walks off screen.

Barbara stands up quickly, whips phone out of pocket.

BARBARA: Potato! I mean hello! … He is not the chosen one…. Yes, I understand. I’ll take care of it.

Andy returns with two cups.

ANDY: Hey sweetie, I found the tea…

BARBARA: (like a chicken) Bock! Bock! Bock! Bock! Bock! Bock!

ANDY (cringring, cradling his head and hunching over.) What are you doing? Stop this madness!

BARBARA: (flapping her arms now) Bock! Bock! Bock! Bock!

ANDY: My brain is bleeding! Please have some mercy!

Andy runs off stage crying.

Barbara picks up one of the cups.

BARBARA: Um, this only has six fish.

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