Sunday, June 10, 2012

attempts at monologue jokes

The British Prime Minister accidentally left his eight year old daughter in a pub. In his defense, after a few pints, the pub did look like an orphanage.

This week a 52 year old man was the first person to get a double arm transplant or in other words became the oldest person to have to relearn the macarena

A UFO seen in the middle east was linked to a Russian missile test. Said humanity, "don't worry it's only something way scarier."

Reportedly, Iceland's "lochness monster" is a giant worm. So I'm gonna go cut it in two and make TWO lochness monsters! Twinsies!

Lindsay Lohan totaled a porsch. Said Lohan, "Since no one cares about my body anymore I had to find something else beautiful to destroy."

A new study shows coffee drinkers live longer than non coffee drinkers. "S-s-see I-I-I-I told you" I stammer to someone who's actually happy.

Romney has yet to pick a running mate, or in other words he's yet to pay someone to utilize spare parts to build "the one" to tear the world apart.

Rain has caused a rapid cotton crop maturation, subsequently, cotton crop's father isn't ready to explain to her she's gonna be a tampon.

Tucsan named a skate park after a boy who was killed in a shooting. Said the universe, "nah, dude you can't engineer something to be haunted."

Alabama has outlawed protesting at funerals. Said Death, "Tough shit, there's no picketing in reaping, whatcha gonna do, cry about it? Oh.. you are? That's awkward."

No comments:

Post a Comment