Saturday, July 20, 2013

Jury finds that Zimmerman was sent from the future to prevent us from making Watchmen real

Jury finds that Zimmerman was sent from the future to prevent us from making Watchmen real

By Barbara Holm

Tensions were running high when the Florida neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman made his first court appearance. Zimmerman is on trial for murdering a seventeen year old boy named Trayvon Martin.

Reportedly, Zimmerman was a self appointed neighborhood vigilante, and followed the young boy on his way home and then shot him for seemingly no reason. It’s a very sensitive case with a lot of emotions at stake, but after much deliberation and listening to both the prosecution and the defense, the jury came to the clear conclusion that Zimmerman was sent from the future to prevent us from making the graphic novel Watchmen real.

“You can’t just appoint yourself a neighborhood crime fighter,” said handsome scientist Peter Parker. “Because what if you’re a fucking racist psychopath? That’s no good.”

Reportedly, according to a lot of science, George Zimmerman was sent from a not too distant future to warn us what could happen if society encouraged human beings to assume the identities of crime fighting vigilantes, and remind us that some human beings are intrinsically horrible.

This future of somewhat corrupt wannabe superheroes mirrors the gruesome plot of Alan Moore’s award winning graphic novel Watchmen.

“Aghlepspheblagh!” yells Alan Moore who lives in a hut on the foot of a mountainside.

Unsure of how to send Zimmerman back to his current time, scientists are working on the mechanics of interdimensional time travel whilst social scientists are working on how to not let racist assholes who live in the suburbs of Florida pretend that they’re some sort of crime fighters.

“You can’t just be a policeman,” says anyone who’s ever paid attention to anything. “You have  to take some sort of test, oh, and um, promise not to shoot to death innocent children, yeah, that’d help.”

Ultimately as tragic and intense as this whole ordeal has been, the Martin trial has done its job in warning us not to turn into a society that could pin a badge on the neighborhood gun hungry watch dog and furthermore inspired science fiction nerds to pay attention to the news.

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps an Association of Vigilantes (AV) would be a great way overcome this problem. In a similar style to the JLA or JSA of the DC universe. With oversight of a board of directors, operating under set bylaws, you could implement a membership review process, diversity plan and sensitivity training for engaging the public. Although a vigilante organization makes about as much sense as an anarchist luncheon.