Powerpoint meeting

Two people (gender doesn't matter) are visible in a conference room. Both are wearing business attire. One is
standing up next to a projection slide, lecturing about the contents of the slides. The other is sitting down, watching.
The first slide has a graph with the Y axis labeled "money" with a down arrow in red.

STANDING UP GUY:
So as you can see we have no money. It is a thing that we lack.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Mmmhmm, hmm.

Next slide is a picture of a frowny face.

STANDING UP GUY:
And as illustrated here, working in a company with no money makes some people here unhappy.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Oh, interesting.

Next slide is just the phrase "You're a bad human being and a horrible boss."

STANDING UP GUY:
And this slide... wow... how did that...

SITTING DOWN GUY:
What's this funny business about?

STANDING UP GUY:
I'm sorry. That slide is a typo. It shouldn't be in the presentation.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
I should hope so. That's so rude.

STANDING UP GUY:
I know. I'm sorry. It's so offensive. It should read "You're a bad fish and a horrible boss."

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Oh, okay. That's fine then.

Next side is a picture of a puppy in some flowers.

STANDING UP GUY:
This next slide should help cushion that previous data.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
That does make me feel better. Thank you.

Next slide is a picture of a normal red fire hydrant.

STANDING UP GUY:
And here we have a fire hydrant. It's ugly.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Yeah, it's so stupid.

The next slide is an orange.

STANDING UP GUY:
Let’s talk peeling oranges.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Peeling oranges is difficult NOT fun. So much effort to get to the fun part. Rubbing them in your arm pits.

Camera pans to the back of the room where an actor (gender doesn't matter again) is wearing a cardboard cut out of
a fire hydrant over their body.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Excuse me. That fire hydrant was my cousin, Jill.

STANDING UP GUY:
Oh, sorry... We didn't see you there.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
What did Jill ever do to you?

SITTING DOWN GUY:
In our defense... we don't like her.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Why are you so mean? You're hurtful, cruel, empty, vapid, shallow people.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Whoa, whoa.

STANDING UP GUY:
We're fish.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Fish?

SITTING DOWN GUY:
Yes.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
If you're fish then why are you talking?

STANDING UP GUY:
Because we have opinions.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Talking fish? You speak? That's incredible. I'm so used to fish using sign language.

Standing up guy signs to sitting down guy, subtitles come on screen and translate for them.

STANDING UP GUY:
(sign languge: subtitles)
Can I please murder this fire hydrant?

SITTING DOWN GUY:
(signing back: subtitles)
I don't know. CAN you?

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
(as if to himself)
How can I make money off of talking fish? I better call the government so they can do science on you. Or the entertainment industry so they can mail me gold.

STANDING UP GUY:
Hey, we didn't say that we were okay with being exploited for cash.

SITTING DOWN GUY:
We just implied it.

Slide changes. This slide reads "we are okay with being exploited for cash."

Fire hydrant takes out his cellphone and puts it to his ear.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Hello, government? I've got some talking fish here. Oh, yeah, send them over.

The door opens and two more fire hydrants in secret service style sunglasses enter.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
Where are the fish?

FIRE HYDRANT 3.
We're here to take the talking fish away.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
(to Fire Hydrant 1)
Are you a fish?

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
No, I'm a normal fire hydrant, just like you and everybody else.

FIRE HYDRANT 3.
But are you really? Are you really normal just like everyone else?

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Well, it was hard growing up on 7th street. I always felt a little bit different. Mom drank a lot during the day and Dad wasn't around a lot. I wasn't allowed to play with the other fire hydrants on my street. I didn’t fit in. But
I had something they didn't. A song in my heart.

Music swells up. Fire Hydrant 1. opens mouth and spreads arms.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
What's that smell? I'm hungry.

FIRE HYDRANT 3.
Yeah, I could go for some sashimi. Fish, y'all hungry?

STANDING UP AND SITTING DOWN GUYs:
Yeah...

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
I'm hungry too.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
Oh, thanks for sharing.

Awkward pause well they look at each other.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
Ready to go guys?

Fire Hydrants 2 and 3 and the fish all leave. Fire Hydrant 1 stays behind and shuffles feet awkwardly. Fire Hydrant
2. pokes head back in room.

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
I'm sorry about that.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
Oh, um, 'scool, yeah, um

FIRE HYDRANT 2.
Gotta save electricity...

Fire Hydrant 2. flips off light switch. The room is dark.

FIRE HYDRANT 1.
…So cold….

End.